Manager's Tips and Tools

by Manager Development Services

Tool #81) Dealing with Anger



Anger causes a lot of pain in our lives.  We often blame our anger for making us say and do things we would never think of doing otherwise.  Because of this, anger often gets a “bad wrap.”  Anger is a normal part of life – an emotion.  Emotions are neither good nor bad – they are normal.  It’s what we do with our emotions – in this case, our Anger – which can be either constructive or destructive.  Anger is a gift, a natural and necessary part of life, but it often isn’t easy to handle.

People who are emotionally healthy do not hide from their Anger; they use it in a healthy way.  Anger alerts you when there is something wrong in your life, it tells you when you’ve been violated, it tells you to look for the problem, and it tells you to do something to make the situation better. 

Healthy Anger is expressed in a way to solve problems – not hurt people.   It is good to feel the feeling but chose the behavior.  There is no loss of control with healthy Anger because it is expressed in clear ways that others can understand, is temporary, and is let go once an issue is resolved. 

Anger is healthy when you:

Recognize it:  take a time out to –

Identify your anger.  Honestly ask yourself why you are angry.

Understand your anger is a signal that there is a problem that needs to be addressed.

Realize it as a normal part of life.

What are the underlying feelings, the motivation behind, which are driving your anger? – (fear, shame, jealousy, envy, feeling deprived, violated, discounted, rejected, etc.)

Take ownership of and responsibility for your anger     (“This is what I feel and only I am responsible for it.”)

Take action:  Respond – Don’t React!

Carefully think through the situation.

Identify the problem – what needs to be corrected?

Identify the solution – what steps must be taken to solve the problem?

Choose the behavior – what is the healthy way to do what is needed without hurting anyone?

Get proactive – do the footwork that is needed.

State your anger clearly and calmly in an assertive manner so that others can understand and respond.

Express you anger in moderation without loosing  control.

Let it go:  Give away the Pain

Accept that people are not perfect and suffer from their own issues; they make mistakes, and have to live with themselves.

Recognize that harboring anger, resentment, and malicious tendencies only hurt you.

Have you never committed a similar offense?

Forgive the aggressor.

EXERCISE: (on a separate piece of paper)

1.  Think about when you got angry.  Explain the circumstance.

2.  Did you take a moment to identify your anger – to ask    yourself why you were angry?

3.  Did you ask yourself what your underlying feelings were – your motivation for being angry?

4.  Did you “own” your feelings – take responsibility for them?

5.  Did you carefully think through the situation – identify the problem?

6.  Did you choose a healthy solution to solve the problem?

7.  Did you express your anger in moderation – without losing control?

8.  Did you accept that people are not perfect and suffer from their own issues?

9.  Did you recognize that harboring resentment and malicious tendencies only hurt you?

10.  When you got angry, what did you say?

11.  When you got angry, what did you think?

12.  When you got angry, what did you do?

13.  Did you recognize that you had made a “choice” to get angry?

14.  How did the situation end – what was the outcome?

15.  What could you have done to change the outcome?

16.  How would you handle the same situation if it happened today?

– excerpt from “The Manager’s Toolbox”

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February 12, 2011 - Posted by | Counseling Techniques, Leadership Skills, Manager Development Tools, Mentoring, Personal Development | , , , , , , ,

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