Manager's Tips and Tools

by Manager Development Services

Identifying “Self-defeating” Behaviors (part 6 of 12)


Self-defeating beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors create anesthetizing habit patterns that keep us stuck in the past and prevent us from living life on an integrated conscious level. We end up living life on auto-pilot and are prevented from responding to our most precious moments in life–the here and now.

We must reclaim power over our lives and stop allowing outside people, situations, and influences to have control over our lives.  Life must become a series of new moments and not a stagnate reflection of our past.  As children, we may be victims; but as adults – we are volunteers.

10)  Hostility

This self-defeating behavior most exhibits itself by an individual being combative, confrontive, or indignant.  Driven by fear of not measuring up or being accepted, this individual has usually been hurt, feels inferior, has to prove himself, and therefore, wishes to hurt others.  He’s never felt “a part of” anything.  In essence, it’s him against the world.  He will be suspicious of everything and see threats everywhere.

11)  Impatience

In today’s busy, hectic world it’s difficult to have patience.  It seems everyone is always running and there’s never enough time in the day.  We hurry to get somewhere, to get things done, and even to relax.  We never seem to be able to relax fast enough.  And when we do relax, we almost feel guilty because it seems we be doing something.

When we are impatient, it’s easy to get frustrated and angry because thing don’t happen fast enough.  There seems to be setbacks and roadblocks everywhere, and everyone seems to be incompetent.   This creates a feeling of powerlessness over people and situations, which creates a sense that others are controlling me, which in itself, creates a “need” to control others.

12)  Jealousy – Possessiveness

Believing others want to take away something that belongs to them, people suffering from jealousy tend to see rivals everywhere and become suspicious of everyone.  Everything they consider theirs, they view as possessions, whether it be objects or people.  They feel they have to protect what is theirs, and because they confuse love with ownership, feel they have to control those they love.  This need to control will grow more intense.  When the person they are controlling confronts the individual about his controlling behavior, this individual feels an intense sense of betrayal.   He then feels desperate and will accuse, and even attack, the very person he feels belongs to him.

Eventually, the person he is trying to control will have had enough and leave.  At this point the individual feels validated that someone was trying to take “his” possession away – “See, I told you!!”  The individual will then conclude that next time he will have to be even more vigilant in his controlling efforts.

– excerpt from “Becoming Master of Your Own Destiny”

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July 12, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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