Manager's Tips and Tools

by Manager Development Services

Self-esteem Series (7 of 13) “Living in Reality”

#4  Living in Reality

recognizing denial, avoidance, procrastination.

Living in reality, my mind is active rather than passive mind, admitting that what is is and what is not is not.  I don’t have to like what I see, but I must acknowledge its reality.  I must accept that ignoring problems, hoping they will just go away, or putting them off for later only makes them grow until they become overwhelming (this is when the $24 parking ticket turns into a $1000 fine and a bench warrant).

I become willing to see and correct mistakes and problems, and work to understand the world around me. I confront tendencies to avoid or deny painful or threatening realities. Anger, guilt, fear and pain should be treated as signals not to close my eyes but to open them wider.  I need to understand that

wishes, fears, hopes, dreams, or denial do not alter facts.  When you close the door on reality, reality will slip back in through the window and bite you on the butt.

Most of us avoid or deny painful emotions instead of seeing them as signals that something is wrong in our lives.  This only postpones confronting them.  Just because we refuse to recognize doesn’t mean they’re gone.  They linger and fester, directing our behavior and distorting our perception of things.  Many people are angry or depressed or anxious and he no idea why?  It’s because they’ve buried or denied feelings instead of dealing with them.

Our feelings are there for very important reasons.  They alert us that something is wrong in our lives.  Anger alerts me that I have violated.  Fear alerts me that there is danger present.  Shame alerts me to having violated my beliefs.  Resentment alerts me I have been hurt and wish hurt on others.  By living consciously, I am able to experience my feelings, identify what is causing them (the motivation behind the feeling), and take action to rectify the real problem – the cause of the feeling.  Only when I take time to feel the feeling and identify the problem, then I can integrate my feeling with my intellect and my will and chose a healthy, constructive course of action.

By identifying problems and addressing them immediately, I am able to get out of the problem and into the solution.  I do the footwork to solve the problem and then “let it go” until such time

as more footwork pops up.  I become proactive in directing affecting my environment and directing my destiny.  With healthy self-esteem, I see problems as opportunities and setbacks as challenges.

I learn to live in the present without losing the sight of the bigger picture.  It is all right to remember the past and to learn from it.  But it is not all right to “Be” in the past.  It is all right to look forward and to plan for the future, but not to “Be” in the future.  When I live in the past or I live in the future I am not living.  All anyone has is now, this moment.  Sadly, too many people spend most of their lives regretting or reminiscing the past or dreaming and wishing about the future and miss what is happening right now.

I learn to take joy in my own intelligence just for the sheer thrill of learning.  I must reach out toward relevant facts rather than withdraw from them.  I learn to distinguish between facts, interpretations, and emotions.  And by practicing this, I have discovered no matter how much I learn; there is still even more to discover.  The more I learn – the more I weep at my ignorance.

Two powerful tools for “Living in Reality” are Reality Checks.

Reality Check #1:  Awareness/Accountability & Change

Reality Check #2:  Does it apply?

NOTE: Manager Development Services’ Blog is intended to educate and give “food for thought” that will enhance a person’s personal and professional lives.  You can find our Self-esteem Series in either our text or our e-learning course titled, “Becoming Master of Your Destiny.”


April 30, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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